Blowing on Down the Road

Not much has changed as far as how I feel, physically, but there has been a 360-degree turnaround on how I feel emotionally.

Yesterday, I was as low as I have ever been.  I got the results back from all my lab work (5 vials of blood/9 lab tests) and everything was normal except my C-reactive protein was a little high. Cause for celebration, right? Wrong. I would estimate that 98 percent of the people I know think I am: (1) faking how bad I feel; (2) am choosing to feel this awful; (3) am crazy; and/or (4) just plain lazy. Those lab results gave credence to their opinions but no factual basis for how truly miserable I am.

I promised my Mom that I would get a second opinion from a different gynecologist on the status of my hormone imbalance.  Yesterday afternoon, I made an appointment with a woman I deeply respect, and I will be seeing her in one week.  Still I was sad and feeling like a failure. I was also furious. How dare anyone think I would CHOOSE to swing from despondency to being enraged and back again.  I barely spoke two words to Owen or the kids all night, and then I cried myself to sleep.

And then something amazing happened. My Dad invaded my dreams. Daddee, Mr. Positive, Diehard Cowboys' Fan -- no matter what.  The Entertainer  -- everyone had a good time when Bobby Lee was there.  Class Favorite -- he was fun, made mundane things fun, and he always had an entourage.  Let me digress for a moment to say, it's easy to remember his finest qualities now because he has been in Paradise for 15 years now, and all the inner demons he had that destroyed him at the age 53 have been banished forever.

I'm not going to disclose everything he told me, but even though Owen and my Mom and Renie and Emily and others had tried to tell me with their words, he made me understand that even though I feel physically wretched, it's no one else's fault. It is wrong of me to take my frustrations out on my family, my friends, and shirk my responsibilities to stay in bed feeling sorry for myself.

This too shall pass, and I need to keep myself moving, keep up with my duties and responsibilities at home and at work, and eventually I will find the proper healing for my constant fatigue, my lack of appetite, my inability to concentrate and especially to remember ANYTHING!

So this Fluffybreeze is going to steal a song from her Dad's favorite playlist and Keep Blowing on Down the Road.

Bobby Lee's Signature Song -- The Breeze